Banana chocolate chip muffins!

I is tha muffinator

the prettiest muffins you ever did see...

So this originally called for blueberries instead of chocolate chips but who's got blueberries just lying around all the time? Not me, that's for damn sure!! I ain't no fancy pants blueberry keeper!! (no offence to any fancy pants blueberry keepers, I actually envy and commend you for your fancy pants wearing and amazing blueberry keepingness) So since I am too cheap to go buy blueberries I looked to my old fail safe, chocolate.

Chocolate, oh how I love thee.



Ingredients:
2 cups flour
1 tbsp baking powder
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp ground ginger
3/4 tsp salt
3/4 cup sugar
2/3 cup "milk"
1 large banana
1/4 cup canola oil
2 tbsp molasses
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 cup chocolate chips



Preheat oven to 375 degrees (do ovens in other countries have their heat knobs marked in celcius?) Lightly oil 12 muffin tins or line with paper liners. In a large bowl mix all dry ingredients together, (except chocolate chips) set aside. In a blender or food processor mix all the wet ingredients (peel the banana first! I also recomend breaking it into chunks for easy blending) together until smooth! Slowly mix the wet mixture into the dry mixture until it looks, you know... mixed, mix in chocolate chips and spoon evenly into muffin cups.



Bake for 20-25 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean! Let cool completely before removing from tins! Makes 12 muffins! ENJOY!!

after I bake them I like to have philosophical discussions with them and bait them for compliments...

Chocolate Tofu Pie

My friend Marc made an observation yesterday that all of my recipes so far involve chocolate. Let me offer a simple explanation; chocolate is the driving force behind everything I do. Chocolate is my inspiration, chocolate is my mother, my father, my sister and my lover. Without chocolate my world would simply spin off its axis. That being said, here's some more chocolate!!



Ingredients:

12 oz silken tofu
12 oz chocolate chips (1 bag dude)
3 Tbsp maple syrup
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 pre made graham cracker crust or a bunch of graham crackers and margarine to make your own!

Also: a blender or food processor!




Directions: Pour chocolate chips into a glass bowl and nuke for 2 minutes (1 minute if its summer time and your house is all hot already) OR if you want to be fancy melt them in a double boiler. Personally I always microwave because its faster, there is less clean up, and my food just tastes a little better with a small amount of radiation. Make sure you stir it every 30 seconds or so to prevent burnage.



Drain water from the tofu and cut into chunks for easy blending, I put these in the blender first because they are soft and mush well. Pour the maple syrup and vanilla in there too, don't blend that shit yet! Once the chocolate is done melting, (it may still look chippy, if you have a powerful blender that's okay. If not keep melting, be careful the bowl will be very hot!) scrape the chocolate into the blender with a rubber spatula. Now we are ready to blend! Keep the spatula handy to scrape the sides inbetween blend cycles! This part takes a while so just stick with it.



Once its blended nice and smooth (like buttah) pour it into the graham crust! You can use the rubber scraper for this part too, man are these guys handy! You can smooth the chocolate mixture down with the spatula or just wiggle the crust a little to even it out.




Now comes the horrible part!! You have to wait FOREVER for this pie to be ready. Cover and put it in the fridge and leave it there, I always do overnight at least, (before its even slicable!) but it tastes better and gets firmer and "Mousier" the longer its in there! I believe it reaches its peak as a 2 day old pie. Granted the first time you make this you will want to eat it right away and might be a little dissapointed at first. I'm warning you, just be patient! Patience is a virtue, pie is also a virtue. Patience pie baby.

This is a perfect summertime pie because you don't have to use the oven, it's served cold (it starts getting mushy at room temp) and is great topped with whipped cream! Its so rich and creamy your friends won't be able to tell its tofu!

Enjoy!!

Danny's famous vegan banana chocolate chip cookies!

Not to get an ego or anything, but these cookies are kind of a big deal. I made up the recipe years ago so I could make my friend vegan cookies for her birthday, lets just say she ate so many she got sick. Ever since then these cookies have been a staple at most potlucks and parties I attend. These cookies have gotten me so much praise and esteem, and now world, its your turn.

(this picture is missing a few cookies, I can't even keep them on the plate!)

Ingredients:
2 regular sized bananas (if the bananas seem large use just one!)
1/2 cup margarine (1 stick! I saw this as a question on who wants to be a millionaire once and the lady got it WRONG!!)
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup brown sugar
2 cups flour
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp vanilla
4 oz chocolate chips
1/2 cup almond meal (or really any nut meal or just nuts [i like walnuts or sliced almonds] if you don't want to get fancy... if you have some sort of nut vendetta just don't use them and put in a little more flour!)

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease your cookie sheet.
Cream bananas and marg together (I use a potatoe masher! if the margarine is mixed in cold it's harder to mix completely but your cookies will have delightful flavor pockets. I never bake with melted butter!) Mix in sugar, brown sugar and vanilla extract!

In a seperate bowl (I know you won't use a seperate bowl cause you are stubborn like me!) mix flour, salt, nutmeal (optional) and baking powder together and slowly mix them into the butter banana concoction. If it seems too gooey (big bananas) add in a little more flour. We want it to be kind of thick so our cookies don't pancake.



Once thats all mixed together you can add in your chunky stuff like chocolate chips and nuts! stir those in real good and then place heaping tablespoons onto the cookie sheet appropriately spaced. I usually do a 3 x 4 type of deal. Bake for 15 minutes or until the edges are a light golden (bake magic) color!

Let cool for a few minutes so you don't burn your greedy little mouths. OR... flip some of them puppies right into a bowl and put a scoop (or two) of your favorite ice cream on top. Eat immediately, prepare for your world to explode. (this is not recommended for people who cannot handle extreme amounts of delicious.)

Another suggestion: In the summer I love to freeze the dough before its baked and eat it like, well... cookie dough.

Enjoy!!

Chocolate Truffles!

I like chocolate, can you tell? These are really easy to make and require a tiny bit of patience but it's SOOOO worth it.



You will need:
One bag of chocolate chips
8 oz of cream cheese (imitation for me thanks)
1 c. powdered confectioners sugar
approximately 1 c. cocoa powder, coconut, or ground up nuts (I put them in a blender) to use as a coating. Trader joes also sells nut meals that are already smashed for you but that takes a lot of the fun out of it.



Melt the chocolate chips in a double boiler (or a small pot inside a big pot filled with water... don't let the water touch the chips, capiche?) You can also use the microwave in a glass bowl but check them ever minute or so because they will burn!

Mix in the cream cheese, you might want to nuke this for a minute too unless you are double boiling then it should melt in nicely. Stir this gunk together until you have got it mixed together all good, then remove from heat and mix in the powdered sugar slowly. I use a cheap electric mixer to get a good consistency, but if you're patient a spoon should work.

Once thats all good and mixed in put the mixture in a bowl and in the fridge for 2 hours or the freezer (if you are impatient like me.. OMG I JUST WANT TO EAT!) until it is still soft but pliable like clay.

wash your hands you mongrel.

Get a plate or small bowl and put the nuts, coconut or cocoa powder in it. I used cocoa powder this time because my roommate is allergic to nuts, but I really prefer almonds. Grab a little bit of this and roll it into a ball that you (or maybe a normal person) would feel comfortable putting in your mouth all at once. You can also make other shapes too but balls are the easiest. Roll the balls in the coating of your choice and set aside. The mixture will melt a little with your touch but that makes clean up more fun cause you get to lick your hands! WHO NEEDS BEATERS? NOT ME!




Once you are done rolling the truffles put them in the fridge so they don't get all melty and disgusting until you are ready to eat them! TA DA!!

Chocolat Croissants

This "recipe" is extremely easy (a monkey could make them!) I prefer to eat these for breakfast but they can also be a dessert!




Chocolat Croissants! (I'm feeling french today.)
I used to get these at the grocery store before I was vegan and they were buttery and soft and amazing to eat early in the morning before my brain turned on. I have been making the blanket pigs for a while and it dawned on me last night like... "hey what the hell, why am I not putting chocolate in these?" So I got really excited at the grocery store and raced home.

You will need:
chocolate chips (I use vegan ones of course),
A pre made package of croissants, ( in your grocers refrigerated aisle) the pillsbury ones are usually vegan so I get those, but if you're not vegan get whichever ones you want!

For the topping:
3 Tbsp soy milk
1/3 c. chocolate chips

Unwrap the croissant rolls and pull apart the triangles! Now we're cookin!! Preheat the oven to whatever the package says, mine was 350 degrees! Take a triangle and lay chocolate chips in the long edge of it, I probably used about 8 chips per triangle, I love chocolate. Roll the triangles loosely toward the tiny side until it looks like a little sleeping bag full of chocolate. yum! place them on a cookie sheet evenly spaced so they don't feel cramped and cook them for however long the package says! Its probably like 15 minutes, these suckers are fast!



Meanwhile you can start the ganache topping! (it sounds fancy but thats just the french thing again, no worries) Use a small sauce pan and heat up the 3 Tbsp (the uppercase T means its a tablespoon and not a teaspo0n or tsp.) until it starts to look like its hot, little bubbles form around the edge and it might boil a little. Watch it cause this will take less than a minute! Remove the saucepan from the heat (turn off the stove dummy) and stir in the 1/3 c. chocolate chips! mix with a rubber spatula until they melt all together into a creamy looking sauce. Let this cool a little and then you drizzle it onto the croissants!
bathtub bear approves!

Your finished product should look like this!
YUM!!

Introductioning

Okay so my friend Nick suggested on thanksgiving that I start a food blog! Basically he trusts my taste buds and will eat anything I tell him to. He calls me his food authority, so here I am, your food authority. I am vegan so I only make vegan food. I am also pretty lazy so a lot of these things the average person will feel comfortable making! YOU CAN DO THIS!! I don't have a lot of fancy kitchen gadgets and I'm poor, like the average joe. So sit back, relax and get your napkins ready because my blog might make you salivate.